January 18, 2009

I've been cleaning out cupboards and organizing storage (it's WAY overdue) and found a stack of CD's that weren't labeled. Some with pictures of my babies, some with music, and one with a talk I gave in church over 8 years ago. I still remember writing the talk and feeling so overcome with the Spirit. So here it is...so I can come back and read it again and again and again....

I’m grateful today for an inspired bishopric and for the opportunity to share my testimony and talk about my Savior, Jesus Christ.  As I spent some time in the temple, pondering about exactly what to talk about, I realized that exactly one year ago, today, I lay in a hospital bed recovering from my accident.  My accident that left me with a broken jaw, part of my head shaved and stitched up, a mouth full of loose teeth, and many bumps and bruises.  Three short weeks later, my mother in law lost her year long battle with cancer.  5 months later my father suffered a heart attack, quadruple bypass surgery, and other hospital stays during the next few months.  As I sat in the temple, I was overwhelmed with love as I reviewed my experiences of this past year.  Overwhelmed, as I realized how deep my relationship with my Savior had grown in one short year.

As I’ve searched deep in my soul, I’ve been unable to come up with words to share the feelings of my heart.  How do you sum up feelings of such gratitude and love?

Index of Scriptures – different topics of Christ: Advocate, Creator, Good Shepherd, Immanuel, Jehovah, Lamb of God, Lord, Mediator, Messiah, Only Begotten, Redeemer, Savior, Son of God.  He is the place that all healing begins.  The place where we can feel His sweet peace pour over us and heal our souls.  He is my confidant, my comforter, my healer, my peacegiver, MY Savior.

Alma 7:11  “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of this people.”  He has suffered all of our pains and understands us completely, understands us as no one else can.  The Savior’s loving embrace provides shelter through any trial and love in any circumstance.  There is no reason to ask WHY we are given certain trials, we just need to remember one of Neal A. Maxwell’s favorite scriptures that helped him through his battle with cancer.  1 Nephi 11:17 “And I said unto him: I know that He loveth his children; nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things.”

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said, “No grief is so great, no pain so profound, no burden so unbearable that it is beyond His healing touch.”  No grief, no burden too much – He can heal me.  He can heal you.

D&C 78:17-18  “Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you; And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along.  The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.”  He is telling us to be like little children.  To show more faith.  Telling us that we cannot bear everything right now.  Telling us to take Him by the hand and to let Him lead us.  Telling us that many, many blessings are waiting for us.  The gospel teaches us about perfection and the joy that comes with it, but some of us expect perfection of ourselves instead of seeking to be perfected in Christ.  We must become partners with Christ.  The Lord can strengthen us to meet our challenges.  Light will replace darkness, despair will give way to hope, and life will regain its meaning.  When we try to go through life, trying to do it all on our own, trying to be perfect on our own, we feel alone and frustrated, but it we become partners with Christ – ask Him for constant guidance, seek to close to Him, our relationship with Him is strengthened and we are given power from on high.

As Elder David A. Bednar spoke of the sweetness of the Lord’s tender mercies he said, “When words cannot describe the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance.”

As I sat to prepare my talk, words to many different songs and hymns flooded my mind.

“Tender Behind The Mercy” by Hilary Weeks:

A candle sits in darkness until there burns a flame, And a river dry and barren must wait for the gift of rain.  Like the river I have thirsted And He has filled my cup.  Instead of just one tiny flame He gives me the sun.  He’s the tender behind the mercy.  The unconditional in love.  And when I need forgiveness He’s the redeeming in Son.  More and more I see He’s the tender behind the mercy.  I’ve had moments in the spotlight And days I’ve wished to hide.  In sunshine or in the shadows He is by my side.  More than once I’ve added to the pain He bore in Gethsemane.  Yet gentle as a morning breeze His love reaches out to me.  He’s the tender behind the mercy.  The unconditional in love.  And when I need forgiveness He’s the redeeming in Son.  More and more I see in the blessings all around me.  I can’t help but see in the way that He loves me.  More and more I see He’s the tender behind the mercy.

I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord.  

No tender voice like thine can peace afford.

I need thee every hour, stay thou nearby.

Temptations lose their power when thou art nigh..

Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

Even though it be a cross that raiseth me.

Still all my song shall be nearer, my God, to thee,

Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

Jesus, my Savior true, Guide me to thee.

Help me thy will to do.  Guide me to thee.

Even in the darkest night, as in the morning bright,

Be thou my beacon light.  Guide me to thee.

Through this dark world of strife, Guide me to thee.

Teach me a better life.  Guide me to thee.

Let thy redeeming power be with me every hour.

Be thou my safety tower.  Guide me to thee.

When strife and sin arise, Guide me to thee.

When tears bedim my eyes, Guide me to thee.

When hopes are crushed and dead, when earthly joys are fled,

Thy glory round me shed.  Guide me to thee.

Precious Savior, dear Redeemer, we are weak but thou art strong;

In thy infinite compassion, stay the tide of sin and wrong.

Keep thy loving arms around us; keep us in the narrow way.

Precious Savior, dear Redeemer, let us never from thee stray.

Precious Savior, dear Redeemer, Thou wilt bind the broken heart.

Let not sorrow overwhelm us; dry the bitter tears that start.

Curb the winds and calm the billows; bid the angry tempest cease.

Precious Savior, dear Redeemer, grant us everlasting peace.

The Lord is my Shepherd; no want shall I know.

I feed in green pastures; safefolded I rest.

He leadeth my soul where the still waters flow,

Restores me when wandering, redeems when oppressed.

Restores me when wandering, redeems when oppressed.

Our Savior’s love shines like the sun with perfect light,

As from above it breaks thru clouds of strife.

Lighting our way, it leads us back into his sight,

Where we may stay to share eternal life.

Come, yes disconsolate, wherever ye languish;

Come to the mercy seat, fervently kneel.

Here bring your wounded hearts; here tell your anguish.

Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.

Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace?

When other sources cease to make me whole?

When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,

I draw myself apart, searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows, where, when I languish,

Where, in my need to know, where can I run?

Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?

Who, who can understand? He, only One.

He answers privately, reaches my reaching

In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.

Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.

Constant he is and kind, Love without out end.

I’m grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ and for the relationship that I have with Him.  I’m grateful for the experiences that I’ve been given that have helped me to turn to Him for understanding, for love, for support, for peace.  He is my safety tower.  He is my constant, kind, and loving friend who offers unending peace and love.  There is absolutely no earthly sorrow that He cannot heal.  I know that!  I’m grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who provided a plan for us to be able to return to Him.  I’m eternally grateful for our Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered for our sins and gave His life for us so that we might be able to repent and find forgiveness.  I am grateful for temples – for the overwhelmingly sweet spirit of peace felt there.  It truly is The House of the Lord.

(Testimony)