Be Mine...

You are mine.

I am yours.

Today started out like any other Sunday. Well mostly. The usual showers and hair drying and looking for shoes and the right color of socks. The boys teasing each other and trying to mess the other one's hair and clothes up and consequently being ordered to sit in a certain spot and to "not move until they are moving to get in the car!" The only thing "different" about this morning, was that I actually ate what the family was eating for breakfast - not my usual protein shake. But that was it. No big deal.

Sacrament meeting was touching and some beautiful stories were shared. I was grateful to know that Jarom had been listening when he leaned over and said, "Wow, Mom. That was an awesome story!" I am going to have to get a copy of one of the stories and share it with you. It was beautiful!

Next up in the routine, Sunday School. Oftentimes the lessons are so outlined, so predictable, so Sunday school-ish. Very "let's read this scripture, then discuss it, then go to the next". Good. But Sunday school-ish. Today's lesson was so different to me. So touching. So perfectly made for me....and I didn't even know that I needed it. I wasn't searching for an answer to a question or seeking to feel the Spirit or striving to make any significant changes in my life, but today's lesson stirred up something inside me. Something that makes me want to be better, to more fully give my heart to my Savior. To be more committed to living the gospel. We were studying 2 Nephi Chapter 4 and talking about how Nephi must've felt as he was writing verses 15-35. His dad had just passed away and his brothers were so angry with him. In that moment I felt completely connected to Nephi...connected to his heartache. Maybe it's because the anniversary of Brett's moms passing was just this past week. I don't know. But my heart was soft and ready to feel more deeply today.

From Nephi's Psalm:

"For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children. Behold my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard."

"My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh."

"O Lord, I have trusted in thee; and I will trust in thee forever....I know that God will give liberally to his that asketh...therefore I will lift up my voice...I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness."

She gave us an opportunity to write down some thoughts and insights....any ideas or promptings. I received a few insights...some things I want to do, some things I want to change, some things I want to be better at. Sometimes the tears just trickle down my cheeks and other times they just well up and drip straight from my eyes to my lap...today my tears were the latter. I have so much work to do to become the person that I want to be.

Today after church as I walked past the front room, as I was setting up for choir...pondering the things I'd learned about myself today at church, I stopped and looked at my Valentines decorations hanging across the mantle "Be Mine". And I felt in my heart a message from my Heavenly Father, "You are mine." And as quickly as I felt it, I thought, "I am yours. I am. With all my heart. I'm yours."

We tried to race the sun as it set....

as we sped toward the cemetery last night. Jarom's soccer practice had gone 24 minutes over. I wanted to grab him and make him leave early....but I also didn't want to be the mom who took their kid out early on the first practice of the season when the coach was trying to go over stuff with the boys. So I waited and waited and waited, thinking, "Surely they have got to finish any second now." But they didn't.

And the setting sun won the race. We didn't make it in time. Yesterday marked four years since Brett's mom had passed. The kids were all looking forward to being at the cemetery. We like to sit together there and share our happy memories. There were a few tears when they knew we were too late.

So we headed to Outback Steakhouse, one of Brett's mom's favorites. Yesterday as I cleaned the kitchen, I wondered to myself, "Was it really one of her favorites or did she just know how much her family loved it that she pretended it was her favorite?" I don't know. So instead, we sat around the table.... interestingly enough they sat us where we used to always sit with her.... and shared those happy memories and listened to her voice that is recorded in one of Savannah's stuffed animals. We miss her every day!

This past Sunday as Brett was going through some things in his office, he found a letter that she wrote to him just a few weeks before she passed away. I want my kids to know how their Grandma felt about their daddy....

December 25, 2007

Dear Brett,

As you well know, I'm not known for my letter writing ability or the ability to express my thoughts and feelings. It seems as though a mother with a son like you could go on forever.

I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and am so proud of who you have become - if I could pick the qualities I would want in a son, you have them all.

I love watching you with your little family. How you love them and they know it and they love you in return. I am grateful that you have put them first in your life.

I am grateful for your choice in a wife; I could not have picked one that would have been more suited for you, if I would have been able to choose. I love the way you support each other as you work together in raising your family and leading them along that straight and narrow path.

I love to watch you in your professional pursuits and how you have grown and learned so many ways to help those that seek your help. It is wonderful that you have the ability and knowledge to teach others how to help those that come to them. You are a great healer, not only of the physical but also the spiritual side.

I am grateful for all of the adjustments, blessings, and just plain being there for me. I love you with all my heart.

I love you!!

Mom

2 months ago....

my honey took me to the Big Apple. I have ALWAYS wanted to go there to visit! Always, always, always! When Brett asked me what I wanted to do for our 15th anniversary (which was in August), I said, "Just take me to New York at Christmastime." I quickly started planning our trip and I LOVED every single second of it!

The only bummer was when our flight was delayed out of Phoenix 2.5 hours. Nothing like spending a few precious hours of your vacation stuck in an airport. Ergh!

We got into New York City later than expected and just hit up a local diner for a late dinner right next to this lovely apartment that we rented for our stay: Totally recommend it! It was in the Gramercy Park area. I loved that it was close enough to the main attractions, but residential enough that I could relax and enjoy myself. We totally loved the diner! Tasty!

The next morning, I, of course, could not sleep and dragged Brett out of bed. We caught a cab and headed to the Today Show. I'm rarely home in the mornings, but when I am home, I often turn on the Today Show. I thought it was the coolest thing to just be driving down the street and recognize places. I almost jumped out of my seat when we drove past Macy's at Herald Square. I've never missed watching Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I was seriously giddy! Brett just smiled and shook his head a little at me!

I was maybe a little excited to be there!

And then we spent the day seeing the sights.... The tree at Rockefeller Center...

We walked through St. Patrick's Cathedral. It was absolutely beautiful!

Did a little bit of shopping at FAO...

I made Brett dance on the big piano, which he was super excited about. I mean one of us had to. And you saw the boots I had on. It's no easy task getting the jeans tucked back in just right. I'm a little anal about it.

Awww, my sugar daddy...love him!

They seriously had the BIGGEST candy bars ever. That's where we got Bryson's big ole Hershey's bar.

We rode around Central Park in a horse drawn carriage, while we sipped on hot chocolate...

And totally loved listening to John, from Ireland, as he taught us about the city in his most gorgeous accent. Olivia, the horse, did awesome, too!

We got in line at Carnegie Deli JUST before the huge rush came. We got in line when there were about 20 people outside. By the time we got in the doors, there was a good 100 people lined up to eat. Absolutely worth the wait! Yummy pastrami sandwiches, tastiest pickles on the planet, and to-die-for cheesecake. Yah, I was totally off my diet. It rocked!

We also walked around Times Square...

Went to the Top of the Rock and enjoyed the view....

And then I put my camera away and didn't use it again. Let's see if my memory can think back long enough to remember everything I loved about New York....

We also went to:

- Radio City Music Hall and saw the Rockettes

- Dylan's Candy Bar

- window shopped on Fifth Avenue

- stood in line to get half-price tickets to see "Memphis". Oh my amazing!

- ate at Lombardi's, the first pizzeria in the United States

- got some grilled corn "Mexican style" at Cafe Habana

- devoured cookies from Levain's Bakery. When they say they are "possibly the largest, most divine chocolate chip cookies in Manhattan" they aren't lying. The dark chocolate peanut butter was my favorite, though. My mouth is watering right now!

- shopped on Canal Street in Chinatown. A little bit creepy....not gonna lie!

- strolled through Little Italy

- admired the beautiful architecture

- ate some amazing bagels

- had the best sushi I have ever had in my life (right by the apartment we rented and I cannot remember the name). But there was a chilean sea bass roll...I would go back to New York JUST to have that sushi....well and some cookies from Levain's.

- visited the LDS temple

- rode the subway (quite a few times, actually)

- strolled through Central Park

- walked through the Metropolitan Museum of Art (Brett told me that was his least favorite part. Ha ha! I'm trying to bring some culture to his life.)

- thought about grabbing some dessert at Serendipity until we found out it was a four and a half hour wait. Wait, what? Did you just say four and a half hours. Um, no thanks.

- we even tried out a bike taxi when no cabs would pick us up to take us to Times Square on Saturday night. We made it to the theater just in time to see Memphis. Did I mention that I totally loved it?

Hopefully I'll remember a few more things. I'll see if I can jog Brett's memory. I absolutely loved our little trip to NYC. I learned that big, big cities are fun....for a few days. That I really don't like to be cold and sometimes 4 layers of clothing is not enough when that wind starts to blow. That I might get really chubby if I lived in NYC, because the food is absolutely irresistable. Tasty, tasty stuff! That New York is a city like no other! Can't wait to go back!

Sometimes I sit down to write....

and I just stare at this blank screen. Thoughts swirl around in my head and I just don't know where to start. I've lost my writing/blogging groove and I miss it. I miss taking the time to write down the funny things Grant says or about the way that Jarom is turning into such a fine young man. I miss writing about making rolls with Bryson and how he shines when we get to spend one on one time together and about the chats that Savannah and I have each morning as I comb her hair for school. I miss writing about the things that matter most to me.

Something has got to give.

I've been working on getting my blog books done for 2010 and 2011. And there is a stark difference between how much I shared those two separate years. As I read through my posts from 2010, I cried and I laughed and I smiled and I felt really, REALLY glad that I had made it a point to spend time blogging. I loved working on 2010 so much, that I snuck downstairs to read through my blog books all of the way back to the beginning. I pretty much have the worst memory on the planet, so it's good for me to write things down. It's a good place for me to write and JUST FEEL what I feel.

I'm not exactly sure what I've got to let go of yet, in order for me to make time for more blogging. I miss taking pictures of my kids. I miss documenting our lives. I've been searching through folders looking for pictures of my kids and folder after folder after folder are all full of newborns. No pictures of my children. I've gone through this before, when my photography business got really busy. And I feel like I'm kind of back in that spot. Thinking, "Do I love having a business still?" I'm not sure that I do. So I need to spend some time thinking about it and deciding what really matters most to me.

But for now, I'm off to the gym. Gonna go do some strength training and zumba. I know for now, the gym is not something I could give up.

Adorable newborn girl...

One of these days I'll get caught up on both blogs. I took sweet Gemma's newborn pictures over two months ago. Check it out!

Honesty is the best policy....

Last night we decided it was TIME to have another family home evening lesson on honesty. We had caught some kiddo's telling some little white lies here and little white lies there. And a lot of over-exaggeration going on. And it was starting to get to me.

We shared some different situations about people who had been honest and people who had been dishonest and then discussed how their decisions to tell the truth or lie affected their lives and their feelings and their relationships. The kids actually sat and listened and participated and discussed things with us. That doesn't always happen....often there are kids rolling around on couches, other kids poking the person next to them, etc. But the stars must've aligned last night, or something, because it went really well.

We introduced an "Honesty Under Pressure" Award....because let's be honest...sometimes it's hard to tell the truth. We let the kids think for a few minutes and then they each got to share an experience from the last week about how they were honest. It was great to hear about the times they had chosen to be honest. We took a vote and this person was the first one in our family to receive this special award....

Grant was pretty excited about it and is proudly displaying it on the side of his bed. Jarom told us that he had asked Grant if he had made the mess upstairs, if he had gotten all of the toys out. And he said, "Yes!" The kids all agreed that was being honest under pressure....because that meant that he had a big job of toy cleaning up to take care of.

PS Yikes...those fingernails are nasty. Time for a trim and bath, obviously! Ha!

Some newborn posts....

Head on over to my website and check out some newborn goodness! Sweetest babies!