Sunshine In My Soul

To live greatly....

It seems for me, when I am in the midst of trials, my heart is turned more to my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. That my prayers are more fervent, that my faith seems to grow, that I try to turn MY will over to HIS will. Sometimes I try and try and try and just pray and hope that my will actually is HIS will, as well.

Today, on the way to church, Brett handed me the Ensign and asked me to read a paragraph. It was from a message from our Prophet, Thomas S. Monson. He said, "To live greatly, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility."

Cheerfulness. I think I have some work to do on facing disappointment with cheerfulness. Lately, I've been facing those disappointments with tears. Sometimes just a few and sometimes a few bucketfuls.

My disappointments (some small, some big):

- this darn twisted ankle. I mean, I can walk and all and it doesn't hurt a bit...but exercising is basically out of the question. Too painful. I miss the gym....

- having so many people look at the house and come back over and over again. We seem to be second on everyone's list and the offers get put on other houses.

- the thought of leaving this ward behind. I guess I had to save my biggest disappointment for last. NEVER in my life have I been surrounded by so many good examples of Christlike love and service. And part of me thinks it doesn't exist anywhere else in the world...not the way that it is here. And THAT breaks my heart, fills these constantly stinging eyes with tears, and starts to make me doubt. I know we are supposed to move. I don't know where. I don't know when. I don't know why. That's hard for me! We've been through a lot here, in this ward, and maybe that's what ties my heart to these amazing people. We were in the rollover, where I was knocked unconscious, broke my jaw, knocked my teeth loose, had to have part of my head shaved...and I had to let people serve me. Three weeks after the accident, my mother-in-law passed away....and I had to let people serve me. A few months later, my father suffered a heart attack, luckily survived...and I had to let people serve me. My heart is tied to theirs forever and ever.

I want to be more like Alma from The Book of Mormon. Alma and his people were being persecuted by Amulon and were told that they would be put to death if they prayed. But the Lord made their burdens seem light. Mosiah 24:14-15, "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

Cheerfully and with patience. I'm trying. I really am!

One last scripture, which is one of my favorites. Proverbs 3:5-6. It's one that everyone knows, but it brings me peace. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

What is my goal? My goal is to live greatly....because that is what we were sent here to do!