Hi! I'm Holly Brimhall, a newborn photographer in Gilbert, AZ. I am the mother of 4 and a lover of ALL things baby. This blog is where I share the life of my family and favorite pictures of my newborn photography sessions.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Is this as good as it gets for me?

My struggle with my weight seems to always be on my mind...always. And lately I've been led to wonder, "Is this as good as it gets for me? Is this truly the best I can look, feel, etc.?" And I know we all have different genetics and that I shouldn't compare myself to those around me. I know it in my head...but I still get frustrated. This morning I hit the gym, like I do pretty much every morning of the week. 8:30-9:30 - step class. 9:30-10:30 - step & sculpt class. Tonight I'll head to the dance studio for an hour of AMAZING Zumba - my favorite night of the week. Sad, but true! There are other girls that will stay and do the two classes...and they look AMAZING! One has a baby under a year old. I'm happy for them. I really am! That will be 3 hours of excercising for me today. And the thing is, I know I eat really healthy. I don't drink soda or eat processed foods and almost a month ago I cut out anything with gluten and refined sugar. On top of that I've even added in some running. The results? I've gained weight. Really? GAINED! Yes, I'm awesome like that.

It just makes me mad...that I try so hard...and why? I mean, I LOVE to workout...I really do! I cannot imagine my life without it. It's the perfect start to my day. I FEEL so good. Chubbers gets to hang out with his friends...I get some "me" time. Time to think, time to get some aggression out, time to feel the blood pumping through my veins. I LOVE it! But is it too much to ask to loose a little? Or heck..maybe even stay the same. But gain? C'mon. I'd just really LOVE to look like the girls I run with....or the girls that I work out at the gym with....Is that too much to ask? Maybe it is. Maybe this is really as good as it gets for me...


Heidi 12:17 PM  

Hi, I know you don't know me, and this is a real personal matter, but I thought I'd respond. I don't know you, how old you are or anything really, just that I love your blog and your gorgeous photography, and that you really seem to be a great mother and have a beautiful family.

I totally feel what you're feeling, although I'm just barely over 40 and it's only getting harder to try and lose the weight. I've gone long stretches where I was working out hard like you described for six months straight, with a trainer, and still no pounds lost - zip! It didn't make sense. You sound very healthy in how you eat, as well. Have you considered the role that hormones have in all this? It could be that, or possibly thyroid in the very low normal range, which is what I have. Looks normal but doesn't feel like it. I highly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Hormone-Balance-Women-Exuberance/dp/0743406664

"Natural Hormone Balance for Women" by Uzzi Reiss

and have started working with my doctor on trying to get better balance with my hormones. With better balance, I'm hoping I'll feel better overall, stronger, with more exuberance, and can focus better on how to get those pesky pounds off! Thought I'd share. It's worth looking into! Estrogen definitely makes us hang onto extra pounds. Good luck!

Letia 12:18 PM  

I hear ya! We are definitely related. I'd like to look like I GO to the gym, let alone go every.single.day. I've been sugar-free for 5 months now...and recently cut out most grains, but just until Dec. 7 when I plan to eat some sugar and grains for the holidays. I am willing to do anything to lose the weight. You might not be eating enough with all that working out. I have had marginal success with my live the life plan (eating plan to eat every couple of hours) I am modifying it right now with my added restrictions, but it gives me a menu for the week. I don't know how you feel about this but I did take glucophage (I want to start taking it again in Jan. I'm out and need to visit a doctor.) If I take it and work-out diligently and eat really well I can lose up to .5-1 lb per week. Nothing like a normal person, but my body clearly doesn't lose normal anyway.
When you figure it out, you let me know!!!

Megan 12:18 PM  

I totally understand. Maybe this is not what you want to hear right now, but I do have a thought for you. Remember Pres. Monson's talk about the flower in the "rusty old pot"? We've all got rusty old pots. Imperfect bodies. So what if the world has made a standard for the perfect body? It's wrong. Think of what a REAL prefect body will be like, after the resurrection, I mean. And we get to keep it for ALL ETERNITY.
That was supposed to cheer you up, not criticize you.
I have plenty of body-hating days myself.

Karli 12:19 PM  

I'm not just saying this cuz I'm your sister... and I'm not just saying this cuz it sounds good, but Holly, you are BEAUTIFUL!

Do you know how many millions of people look at you and think those exact same thoughts of wanting and wishing they could look like you? (I'm not exaggerating in the least :) I know I am one of those millions. I find myself trying to dress like you, do my hair like you, smile like you, etc, etc, etc. I even try to think like you as I'm shopping - would Holly like this? what accessories might she choose?

You are beautiful Holly - inside and out. I don't know how to say it any more truthfully or sincerely. Believe me, none of us can see any "extra pounds."

If this really is "as good as it gets for you" you are ONE LUCKY GIRL cuz that's pretty dang good :)

Love ya!

Heather 12:36 PM  

I second what your sister said. I think you look beautiful. I feel the same about my weight, but I know I must look different to myself than I do to others. We can always see the flaws in ourselves which others overlook. Good luck.

Jenna 12:53 PM  

do you measure your body? with all that hard work, I guarantee you probably will see results in your inches. muscle weighs more the fat... so by burning your fat, and gaining muscle your bound to gain.

On a different note though. ITS SO STINKIN' ANNOYING. Why don't the pounds on the scale measure the work we put into it. argh

Mindy 1:02 PM  

I know that you don't know me, but I would love to have you as my neighbor! You are such a beautiful person inside and out, you are incredibly talented, have such great kids! There are so many things the are "the best" about being a woman, but this is one thing that I wish we didn't have to put up with. I believe that we all think this way about ourselves at one time or another. Even the "skinny" girls have stuff that they don't necessarily like about themselves. I will never be a size 0, and I am good with that. I don't much care for the idea of cellulite on the horizon, or for my saggy boobs, but I will take it... I know women who would want to be my size 8, with any boobs at all.
I also read, from a trainer, that when we get into these habits, and when you start running especially, your body tends to put on, build, muscle, which weighs more than fat. That could possibly be why... just sayin'!
You are gorgeous... listen to your sister.

Kimberly Robinson 1:09 PM  

You know I read your blog lots. More often than not I find so many parallels & similarities. But I often wonder, "does she sleep??" How can one hope to accomplish more than you already do? Do those ladies at the gym excel like you do in so many other ways?? Seriously, we gotta have something to keep us humble! Having it all is for later, like later-later. But still, I love love Ether 12:27.

I guess my only other comment really would be, having felt (and often feeling still), this way about myself, that, well, I hope I live my life with no regrets. I always want to do as much as I can now so later I can look back with joy and enjoy blessings later. But something I have found now being in my (yikes! mid)-thirties, is that I look back on my twenties with a whole lot more forgiveness than I did while I was in them. I do not want to be 40 or 50 & wish that I had just been content & enjoyed my youth. Youth IS wasted on the young because people like me don't always appreciate it. I don't want to take that for granted.

I heard once, "If it doesn't matter in Eternity, it doesn't matter." Seriously, my twenties were awesome! My thirties aren't too shabby either. I want to work on being grateful for the health I have because I never know what could happen in life.

You are beautiful.

Salsa Mama 1:11 PM  

A few years ago my hubby and I joined LA Weight Loss, and it totally worked for us. (I need to do something again now--that was 2 c-sections ago! :) One of the key things I took from the eating plans was to make sure to eat enough. It sounds strange, but you need to eat enough food, esp. protein in order to lose. Good luck!

Kimberly Robinson 1:14 PM  

Oh yeah, and one more thing...Weight Watchers! I know, I know, but it WORKS. It's healthy & normal & long term & it works. Not that you need it at all, just sayin...it's the only thing that worked for me!

Ashley Kate 3:09 PM  

First off, I must say you look amazing, your photography is amazing,... and other woman (including myself) are saying... I wish I could look as beautiful as you and your beautiful family, and be as talented! However, no matter how smart, beautiful, skinny, talented you are- there will always be little insecurities that creep up on us b/c we are human. I just started reading "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore, and so far it is an awesome read. I recommend it!

You are a role model to me~ I love your blog and your photos, and if you ever decide to offer mentoring online or through email (I'm in Ohio) I would be soooooooo grateful and sign up! God Bless you gorgeous!

Lisa 4:18 PM  

I love checking in on your blog because I love your beautiful photography. It's discouraging to read this and see how frustrated you are with your body. You are a beautiful woman, with a healthy, fit, smaller-than-average body. Don't diminish that blessing and keep wishing for something you don't have--or worse, wishing you had what someone else had. Oh, that is always a fruitless desire!

I have a good friend who is so trim and gorgeous and it is pretty discouraging to see her complain about a perfectly lovely body. It makes others around her (or those who read her blog) who have legitimate health/weight issues feel uncomfortable and well, fat, frankly because the thought goes through your mind, "Wow, if she thinks SHE's out of shape, what does she think of ME?"

Just remember, the most important thing is to be and feel healthy --and it sounds like you are doing everything to take good care of yourself!

It helps me to 1) point out what I like in my body 2) remember that my husband thinks I'm hot no matter what and 3) to thank God for the healthy body he's given me.

Sorry, I'm sure you were just venting. It's just hard to hear when I read your blog and see what a lovely person you are, inside and out!

Tressa 7:46 PM  

That is just downright depressing. Why should I even try then? Might as well be fluffy and have time rather than working out all the time, not able to eat anything, and still not skinny (although I would consider you healthy skinny, whereas many others are too skinny and don't look healthy). Seriously, why even bother. I don't have time to cook 6 meals a day (three meals for me and three meals for my family) and work out for 3 hours as well. And, why would I even want to do that much? Why even try.

Lorena M 9:00 PM  

Maybe you have added muscle and that's why you've gained. I know when women tone and add muscle they gain weight rather than loose since muscle weighs more. Or maybe your body has adjusted to the exercise classes you are taking and maybe you need to switch it to spinning classes or kickboxing classes to throw your body off a bit. Hope that helps, LOVE your photography!!!!

Becky 9:33 PM  

Oh my goodness girl! You are WAY too hard on yourself! You are BEAUTIFUL! I have always thought that of you! I agree with Karli. I am willing to bet that there are hundreds of girls out there that wish they were as beautiful as you! You are an amazing woman, mother, wife, and even cousin.

I hope you can find peace and truly love you for you, because you are beautiful inside and out. I came to peace with myself when I started exercising for my health and for my future with my family. The pounds didn't matter any more-they were just a bonus. That is when I felt true happiness.

Mandy 8:14 AM  

I know you don't know me, and I have only commented a couple times on your blog, but I couldn't read this and not post. I have always struggled with my weight. I would give anything to look like you...I think you are beautiful, inside and out!

I was working out all the time and eating well and not seeing results either. My sister in law introduced me to Fit Yummy Mummy. You only work out 15 minutes a day and you see results. I didn't believe her and put her off for over 2 years and kept doing my cardio and workout videos. I finally reached my breaking point and gave in. I have been doing fit yummy mummy for 2 months and I have lost weight and a ton of inches.

I know I sound like a commercial, but I just wanted to share what worked for me. You have to find what works for you and your body. Change it up. I couldn't imagine doing that much working out each day. I only do 15 minutes and I see results. It's amazing and fun.

I'm sorry you are struggling. I really understand because I am too. Every day. Just remember that God made you and loves you no matter what you look like. You probably can't see it, but looking at your pictures, I would have never guessed you were struggling with weight. You look great!

Robin 12:32 PM  

Ditto to Karli. I could not have said it any better!
I have never even met you and wished so many times that I had an ounce of your talent or a piece of your beauty.
I'm not kidding!

The McGraths 12:41 PM  

Oh my dear friend Holly, I know what you mean but.... you are beautiful! So so so beautiful! And not just you appearance, there is so much more beauty to you that I see almost everyday!

Kristal 6:05 AM  

Um, ditto to EVERYONE's posts on here. But I'm there with you. For a year (2008) I would do 3-5 hours everyday, starting at 4am and doing my last workout after I put the kids to bed at night, and I lost to a point, but wasn't where I wanted to be, so I stopped eatting...went bald....and had someone ask if I had an eatting disorder (which I kinda did) and had someone ask if I had cancer. I think I got the genes where I need to stay above 150, but I'm with ya, I see friends that are at 140 and want to get to 128, and they do, and they have cute little girly figures, and I'm amazon woman, but just this year, I've learned that's who I am, a big girl, which sucks since I have a little guy (again, you know what I'm talkin about), but I have to say, I"D LOVE LOVE to have the problem of looking like Holly Brimhall. ha! My sisters and I always talk about how beautiful you are. You look amazing HOlly, you always have, especially these last few years, everytime I see you, I hit the diet hard (for a few days...I have no will power anymore). I wish I could see you every morning to motivate me to do good! You're awesome. Just keep it up. you're the best!

Rachael 7:29 AM  

Hi,you don't know me either, but I love learning about health and different techniques people have used to get and stay healthy and fit. I have recently found a girl named Marci Lock that is from Utah that has a different way of working out and looking at food. I have not done her workouts yet because I can't afford them (some day), but she is very interesting and talks about turning your body into a fat-burning machine. Take a look at her website, marcilock.com. She is the owner and founder of a company called Everlasting Fitness. She talks a lot about your mind and staying positive and that you don't have to work out hours a day. Maybe she can help you. I know how frustrating it is to lose that last bit. By the way, you are beautiful and talented and seem to be very blessed in so many ways. Good luck.

Allred Family 8:34 PM  

You are beautiful! I thought that maybe you were chubby when I read you post, then I saw your picture. You look perfect to me! I hope that you stop obsessing about what the scale says & just concentrate on feeling good. That's really all that matters anyway!

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