{Picks up mic}...tap, tap...is this thing still working?

I cannot believe it's been over four years since my last post! Where has the time gone? Four years ago Jarom was in junior high. Today he's half way through his senior year in high school and talking about starting to fill out his mission papers. Every time I think of him leaving, my eyes fill up with tears and spill down my cheeks. I honestly don't know how you spend 18 years raising the most beautiful baby boy into such a great young man...and then let them leave. And maybe go to another country, speak another language, learn another culture...and get to talk to them FOUR times over the two years they are gone. I don't think I've taught him how to make enough dinners. He's a great breakfast maker...but dinners? I have so much to teach him and not nearly enough time. Four years ago I still had a little munchkin at home with me, making runs to Costco, and living it up with daily dates with my little boyfriend. And now Grant is in the middle of third grade, playing basketball and football every spare second that he has or watching sports or memorizing players stats.

I'm a little mad at myself for letting four years of our lives go partially undocumented (thank goodness for Instagram)...yet showing compassion for myself as I think about all that I've been through, experienced, overcome over these years away from my blog. And someday I want to write more about that journey - more about what I learned about myself as I went through some pretty intense counseling once I finally decided it was time to get professional help for my depression. After I listened to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk "Like a Broken Vessel", I knew it was time to get PROFESSIONAL help.

One thing I know for sure...is that writing is good for my brain, good for my heart, good for my soul...and I want to do more of it. I often find Savannah reading through old blog books and I want to have more of those. More books with my writings to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. Reading the good brings me joy beyond measure and reading the bad and ugly reminds me that I can do hard things. And I want more books filled with pictures, pictures I've taken that have captured my family and life. I cannot even tell you how I sadly never take out my big camera to take pictures and be creative anymore. I'm determined to take time for me to take pictures and write again! Thanks Kristal for the nudge...it's been on my mind for a long time...

And here's a picture of me and my sweet Jarom from family pictures a few months ago, who really is growing up to be such a fine young man...